011. “YOU GAMBLED AWAY OUR CHILDREN???!!! IS THAT EVEN LEGAL???!!!”

[Link]

“YOU GAMBLED AWAY OUR CHILDREN???!!! IS THAT EVEN LEGAL???!!!” Leia was (Understandably) furious and distraught.

She back away for Han, who she was now terribly afraid of, “How could you? I thought you’d changed! But No! You were and still are ‘ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY!!’ Common Pirate! ”

*

“GET OUT OF MY MIND!!!” Han yelled, placing his hands over his ears, “DON’T USE THAT HOAKY POAKY RELIGION ON ME, KID!” But Luke had seen enough.

“Oh,” said Luke walking over to stand beside his best friend, he sighed, “I knew this would happen.”

“And don’t go all mystical Jedi on me either!” he cried in exasperation.

~*~

[Link]
Padme.Anakin thought to himself bitterly.After giving birth to the children she had given Leia to Bail Organa And Luke to the Lars.It had taken his quite some time to straighten out the mess.Why had she given them away like that?Didnt she love the little bundles of hyperactive joys?He really needed something else to do.Dwelling on someone who wasn’t there wasnt good.He had other problems to deal with now.

“We’ll eat in a while okay guys?” Anakin told the Twins

“Girl!” Leia reminded her Father

Anakin smiled. She was so much like her mother. So Vibrant and Active…and sooo cute.He really missed Padme.

“D’you guys wanna see a movie right after breakfast?” He suggested

“Yeah DAD!” Luke exclaimed happily “We could watch “The Abominable Arictus Monster from Planet Atliam”!”

“Okay.But I want you two to eat breakfast and change.”

The twins moved with hyperactive speed as they ran into the dining room.Anakin’s smile faded as heonce more thought about Padme.

*

The movie soon ended.Anakin walked back to his speeder with his children taking the rear still talking about Captain Heero and the monster.It was just senseless

Babble.Anakin knew Padme couldn’t leave the Senate.The Republic needed her.Anakin shifted his thoughts back to the present.

“C’mon guys less Talky more Walky!” Anakin scolded his twins for slowing him down.He really wanted to lie down and dream about his Padme.

“IT’S LEIA DADDEE!DONT GET MAD AT ME GET MAD AT HERR!” Luke teased

*

Anakin didn’t like this at all Anakin thought as he waved Padme good-bye.She was going for a guy called ROKALOFT?Damn! Things

Were not looking good for him.Anakin rushed back to the ship.He quickly sped off home hardly giving a thought of the twins.Anakin was

really angry.KISSING!Anakin couldn’t believe Padme…HIS PADME,Had actually done this to him.

“NO!” Anakin yelled out loud

No.Padme wouldn’t have done that intentionally.Especially not to since she had kids.Yes.RENO probably had forced her into this.But why

Would someone like RENO want a relationship with Padme.Okay everyone wanted a relationship with her.I mean she was probably the

HOTTEST senator on THE SENATE!RENO wasn’t so bad looking either.With his spiky blonde hair and flashy green eyes.Anakin

Buried his face in his hands.

*

“You are sooo jealous Ani!I didn’t think Jedi COULD get jealous.” Padme teased

“I’m so not jealous.” Anakin glared “Besides you’re changing the subject.”

“Errmm…BYE!” Padme said hastily as she turned off her holo

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

“Huh?” Anakin said stupidly

Why would she do that?Why?Why?Why?And why Reno! Anakin thought about this as he sped home to check on the twins.

Anakin smiled satisfied. The Twins were asleep and 3PO and R2 were sleeping. Anakin’s mind quickly shifted to other things.

Padme…Obi-Wan…Padme…The Jedi…Padme…RENO…Padme…Padme…Padme…That was all he could think about.

~*~

[Link]
“ Huh, what, who’s got my cupcakes?”

“ Anakin my water just broke!”

“ What do you mean? How can water still my cupcakes?”

“ Anakin water cannot still your damn cupcakes! And my water just broke, you know for when babies start to come out.”

A few seconds went by before a look of pure terror crossed the young man’s face.

“ B-but babies… that means that… OH MY GODS!”

Anakin then scrambled out of bed and started to pace and mumble to himself.

“ BABIESmumbleWATERmumbleCUPCAKESmumble.”

~*~

[Link]

Anakin found Yoda meditating out in the gardens.

"Thank the Jedi Masters he is meditating!" Anakin used the Force to stick the sign on Yoda's back.

Anakin walked off leaving the Jedi Master with the sign on his back. It said 'I am a little teapot, SHORT and stout...scream teapot when you read this!' .

*

Five minutes later Master Windu finished and they were off. Soon Anakin awoke and headed off to the cafeteria. Masters Windu and Yoda followed him. As Anakin walked by he heard a couple of people say ‘it’s Harry Potter’ or something of the like. One Padawan even asked Anakin if he was off to kill You-Know-Who! Anakin, who was becoming very pissed, headed to the bathroom. When he walked in he saw a lightning bolt scar on his forehead. He used water to get it off. He also found a sign on his back which said ‘I am Harry Potter, the all powerful ‘CHOSEN ONE’!

*

“Alright, now once I put the hologram on make sure it is looking straight at the black cloth,” Obi-Wan instructed. They were making prank phone calls on the hologram projector. They had a black cloth set up and they would stand behind the projector so that they wouldn’t be seen. Obi-Wan dialed a number and Chancellor Palpatine picked up.

“Yes?” The Chancellor said.

“Yes I saw your add in the paper,” Obi-Wan said disguising his voice.

“Ad? What ad?” Palpatine replied.

“Yes you want some low life asshole to scrub your disgusting face and from what I hear you had a hard time employing people because your face is so freaking, damn ugly!” Obi-Wan said and hung up. Anakin laughed really hard.

“Man, Master who knew you had it in you!” Anakin said and they both laughed.

~*~

[Link], [SW Sues sporking], [Bob's Discount ad]

Anakin tried to hide the grin but it was too late "I know, I'll be careful if I get myself into an 'favorable' problems, but then again. It should be I warning you"

~*~

[Link]

“Um…Master?” 17 year old Anakin asked. “Hiccup.”

“Ah…you have the hiccups, very hard to get rid of for a Jedi,” Obi-Wan Kenobi replied.

“Why’s that? Hiccup,” Anakin asked getting annoyed at the hiccupping.

“Because the only way to cure the hiccups is by scaring the person who has them,” Obi-Wan said smiling.

“I am going to be stuck with these hiccups forever!” Anakin exclaimed falling onto the couch. “Hiccup!”

*

“Hi, hiccup, Master Mundi,” Anakin said as Ki- Adi Mundi was about to jump out and scare him.

“Man, good luck with those hiccups Skywalker,” and Master Mundi left. Anakin continued to walk on. When he reached the cafeteria he grabbed a glass of water and sat down when he heard footsteps. His hand went automatically to his lightsaber, but he then felt it was Master Windu.

“Young Skywalker I hear you have the hiccups,” he said and Anakin turned around.

“Oh my gosh!” Anakin said quite loud, “hey my hiccups are gone! Thanks Master Windu I am guessing your face scared me.” Anakin ran off as fast as he could.

“Come back here Skywalker! Or I will show you what fear really is!” Master Windu called back while Anakin ran towards his and Obi-Wan’s quarters.

“Master my hiccups are gone!” Anakin said when he entered the room to find Obi-Wan sitting on the couch reading a book.

“That’s great who finally scared you?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Master Windu’s face,” Anakin said and they both started hysterically laughing.

“When I was your age and had the hiccups that is what scared me too,” Obi-Wan said and they continued laughing.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man that was funny. Please review.

Disclaimer: I OWN SHIT! THE ONLY THING I OWN IS THE PLOT!

Motto: If you review this story I will review one of yours!

~*~

[Link]

[Summary]: This is a story about a girl from the future who goes into the past and finds that she has force powers and is a almost direct desendent of the Skywalker line. Read on to learn more. The recognizable characters are out of craracter. I don't own any of the

*

Well, back to the here and now. Hanna felt the strange feeling she had felt 8 years ago (she IS 16 people). She was flying, spinning, twirling out of control. She stopped on the floor. It was a strange metal. Hanna looked up. In front of her were the emperor and Darth Vader. She felt her heart fill with overwhelming joy. She shouted “Uncle! Uncle! I missed you!” And ran straight in to the open, hugging arms of the emperor. Darth Vader had stood up by this time.

“Kassie! Kassie! (He is crying) You’re alive! When you disappeared we all thought you had died! Oh Kassie, Kassie Kassie…”

Now, as you can probably imagine, Darth Vader (From here on referred to as: D.Vader, Dad, Lord Vader, or Mr.Skywalker.) is watching this with a lot of puzzlement. “Um…Master, who or what, is this thing?” (Picks up Hanna (from here on referred to as Kassie) by the back of her shirt like a big bug)

“PUT HER DOWN!” the emperor shouted as he leapt to his feet, a killer’s gleam in his eye. D.Vader did not obey.

*

“Kassie,” the emperor said “I can’t take care of you anymore. I told you that last time. I’m afraid that the only other person I can trust you to is Lord Vader.”

Kassie and D.Vader Stared. “No way! I’d sooner eat a piece of bantha dung!” Was what they said, at the same time. (Yeah, yeah, I know that they’re wayyyy out of character, buuut, DEAL WITH IT YOU NONCOMPOOPS!)

“I’ll do it if he doesn’t call me a little girl.” Kassie said putting her nose in the air.

“Ill do it if she doesn’t hit me into walls.” D.Vader said putting his nose in the air.

*

“Damn!” She mutterd as she snapped out of her trance. “What do ya want, idjit?” Kassie shouted at the intercom.

“Curteos as ever, Kassie.” The voice of the emperor said. “You are needed here on the bridge. Come right away.”

*

“Kassie Skywalker! I will kill you!” Darth Vader said as he wiped the multiple cream pie sludge off his mask and clothes, slowly walking toward his quarters. He walked in and checked her room. No sign of her. He check the Fett boy’s quarters. No sign of him or her. Little did he know that they were rolling around about 15 feet away around a corner. He had fell for it. This was where the fun began. They snuck into his quarters, still snickering silently. He was unwittingly walking into their trap. Vader turned into his room and went to his closet. He quickly changed clothes and as he was attaching his other helmet, he heard a loud squish and began to taste lemon meriengue pie. He pulled the helmet and attached a respirator. He slowly went through his closet and found that there were pies in each helmet. Once he came to an apple one, he pulled it out and ate it, then attached the now empty helmet and sat down to plan his revenge. Kassie and Boba left the room, and decided to prank the emperor and Grand Moff Tarkin next.

*

It all happened at about the same time throughout the entire ship. Three men: Vader, wearing his boxers, still hooked up to the respirator, went to brush his teeth when he opened his medicine cabenite… the emperor, having slept in his Jedi robes, his hood falling off went to take his morning medicines… and Tarkin, getting the calcium tablets for his wife, in his purple and blue bunny night shirt and a pink bathrobe opened his medicine cabenite to find… and all at the same time this was heard throughout the death star, magnified a thousand times by the force anger: “My Asprin!” All three men passed out on the floor. Luckily, Vader was still connected to the respirator. In the mess hall, Kassie and Boba snorted into their oatmeal. This was too good. They knew they would get gotten for this, but it would be worth it. Way worth it.

~*~

[Link]

(Neo and Serena start to fight, a few minutes later, they’re both knocked out)
A/N: I’m not good at illustrating fights... ^_^;

Fate: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I’M STILL EVIL!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! NEO ANTARCTICA!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Luke: ...

Gohan: ...

MSSKZ: ^_^;

Neo: X_X

Serena: X_X

*

Padme suddenly walked into the room and grabbed Fate by her shirt collar.

Fate: Yeeeeeessssss??

Padme: Where the h*** is Anakin?? What the **** did you do with him??

Fate (singsongy) : I’ll never te-ell, I’ll never te-ell...
(A/N: This is sort of an inside joke…)

Padme: Tell me you b****!!

Fate: NO!! XP!

Padme: **** you!!

~*~

[Link]
"Muh?" Anakin mumbled in his sleep. He rolled up against Padme and pushed her to the edge of the bed. All it took was one little movement from Padme to send her overboard. Ironically, just as she was about to hit floor, Anakin stuck his hand out and levitated her to his side of the bed so she wouldn't fall off again. Still asleep, Anakin used the Force to place her arm around his neck.

Two minutes later, his neck started to get warm so he used the Force to remove Padme's arm. He turned over on his chest and placed his arm around Padme. Then, he started to feel a bit lonely, so he used the Force to place Padme's arm back around his neck.

It was all going great for a few minutes, but then Anakin started to feel hot again, so with a flick of his index finger, Padme's arm went flying up. Unfortunately, it came down with twice as much force on his rear-end.

*

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"LEIA!" Anakin shrieked. He jumped up, wiped off the excess drool,
grabbed his lightsaber, and bolted out the door.

He sprinted down the hallway like the 'Flash' and into the room on
the left.

SWOOSH! went the door as he entered the florescent pink room. The
moment he was in, he froze.

"L-Leia?" The name barely left his mouth.

*

"Daddy, are you a vampire?"

Anakin's blood froze.

"N-N-NO! W-WHY DO Y-Y-YOU ASK!" Anakin stuttered insanely.

Did she know?

Leia chuckled deeply, in an almost Sith-like manner.

Oh God no... Not the Sith again...

*

"M-m-m-m-m-mom-m-m-y..."

"I am one..." She whispered, but the words never made it to Anakin because of what came next...

Leia opened her mouth in a malicious grin, bearing her... fangs...

Anakin's eyes widened to the point where they looked anime. The freak-out meter had officially exploded! PANIC NOW!

*

At least she isn't a Sith Lord... Anakin smiled weakly, but it faded when a stray thought hit him. What if there are Sith vampires! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! Anakin quickened his pace. Time was running out...

*

"SPEAK TO ME, MY LIMP AND MOTIONLESS SON!" Anakin yelled in Luke's face, spit flying everywhere. He shook him, and I mean he SHOOK him! He shook Luke horizontally, vertically, upside down, diagonally, at a fifteen-degree angle. Heck, he even made an origami boat out of the lad. Anakin shook him to the point when all of the credits and fake-ID's came out of Luke's pockets. Anakin shook him to the point when all of the credits and fake-ID's came out of his own pockets.

*

Anakin had the biggest spaz-attack in the galaxy. His heart had almost come up through his mouth.

"L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-LU-LU-LU-LUKE!" Anakin's stuttering was completely out of control. He sounded like a boom-box. He leaned in to make sure he wasn't dreaming, and then he blinked a couple of times. Those blue eyes... so dark, and hollow... so... emotionless... so... bloodshot?

"Boo." Luke said showing off his new fangs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Anakin screamed in a way that was a little too feminine for his liking. He fell back-- which just happened to be where the stairs were --.

THUNK! THUMP! -- "OW!" -- BING! BONG! BING! BING! CHANDLER BING! THUD! THUNK! "SWEET MOTHER OF--" THUMP!BANG! BONG! THUMP! THUD! "HOLY SI--" SLAM!

*

The grasp around his throat tightened and Anakin's life began to flash before his eyes...

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.--

The twins came and stopped in front of him. Anakin shut his eyes.

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die---

If only he could've seen Padme one last time...

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna d--

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN DADDY!"

Obi-Wan relesased his throat and Anakin opened his eyes. Confetti flew around them like the glitter in a snowglobe, and the fact that it was August left Anakin utterly confused.

"Padme, I want at least fourteen plates of bacon for breakfast..." he replied before passing out.

*

A/N: Ok, didja' like it? HUH! I wanna know! Reviews are most welcome and encouraged. Flames are not. If you didn't like it, don't waste your time (and mine) by writing about how much my fic sucked. It'll come back to hAuNt you...

*

"T-t-there is a-a-a d-d-d-dist-t-t-tur-b-bance in t-t-the F-F-Force," he stuttered. He looked back out the window and saw his speeder rolling down the driveway.

"NOOOOOOO! I DON'T HAVE INSURANCE DAMNIT!" he shrieked like a banshee before letting go of Anakin, and running out the door to stop his run-away speeder.
~*~

Many thanks to pen_and_umbra for the link to the vampire story and to the sporkers at starwars_sues and the bobs_discount employees for the favorable problems.